The Curtis BET Performance: How It Really Went Down

(Curtis sits high atop a narrow platform @ the 2007 BET Awards, waiting to perform his smash hit “Amusement Park”)

Stage Assistant (to Curtis’ earpiece): “1 minute to curtain Mr. Fifty si-”

Curtis (interrupting him): “Shut up. I’ve been patiently waiting for a track to explode on nigga, Vitamin Water. Where that nigga Yayo at?”

(Yayo runs out from backstage, damn near tripping while zipping up his G-Unit pants)

Yayo (yelling): “Whaddup Fif…me and Young…Hot….Rod was um….playin’ some Madden wit the goons backstage…yeah. Yo you ready to handle this shit son? I got this bitch Karen back at the telly waitin for me to put it down like… (does Yayo hand move)…you know?”

Curtis (smiles): Oh yea…..that Blackanese bitch…get her on the phone and tell her I said to go up to my suite….if she get bored she can play G-Unit Twister with the other 3 bitches.”

Stage Assistant: “30 seconds!”

Yayo: “But – But Fif you said that this time I coul…”

Curtis (looking down): “Fuck up you middle-aged sloth lookin’ nigga. Vitamin Water! Tell the bitch to wait upstairs until I get back…I’ma take her to…..the Pet Shop. Yea….write this shit down too so I don’t forget it: (sings) Ima take you to the Pet Shop/Parrots and snakes/buy you a puppy/whatever it takes…..Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Just like that….oh yea….and I need you to help me wipe my ass later. G-Unit.”

(Yayo pulls out his Nokia 3410 and walks off mumbling)

Stage Assistant: “10 seconds”

Curtis (to self): “Aight nigga focus. Vitamin Water…”

(Curtis begins his vocal warm-up exercises a la Destiny’s Child)

Curtis (singing): “Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha….”

Stage Assistant: “And music in 5, 4, 3…”

(Yayo & Hot Rod sneak out from backstage again, creeping up behind the platform Curtis is standing on)

Yayo (mumbling to Hot Rod): Ol’ Bugzilla Gorilla-ass nigga….ain’t none of us seeing no Vitamin Water money…he being selfish with the groupies….and he tryna stop me and you from being together too. Ima show this nigga (does Yayo hand move) what time it is…”

(Yayo pulls out a bottle of Vitamin Water and pours it over the platform wires, causing it to spark and malfunction)

Curtis (looking down): “Yayo…that you? Nigga let’s do this….G-Unit on three….1….2….”

Yayo: “Nigga fuck you.”

Curtis: “Fuck you say nigga?”

Yayo: “G-Uniiiit!!!”

…and the rest is history.

14 Responses to “The Curtis BET Performance: How It Really Went Down”

  1. green eyes Says:

    brilliant

  2. Phuque Says:

    Thanks Greenie

  3. 911 Says:

    2cents is gonna fire bomb this joint…

  4. LL(not the rappa) Says:

    LMAO!….I like this version better….scared of heights my azz.

  5. LL(not the rappa) Says:

    oh..and yea 2x is gonna have something to say about this.lol

  6. cold Says:

    yo Phuque I see the approach you taking to bloggin, good shit my dude, keep it up.

  7. cold Says:

    ^ oh and cosign 2x probably stabbin the closest person standing next to him after reading this shit.

  8. nation of moderation Says:

    holy shit i’m tearing a bit… that was hilarious

  9. UNCLE CHEIF KILLA THUG Says:

    lmao…good shit…but 50 is all about his vitamin water….if he just drank the focus flavor vitamin water he should have no excuses for falling and forgetting his verse right ?

  10. YOUNG UNCLE KILLA THUG Says:

    damn i fucked my name up….smh…

  11. Big Homie Says:

    LMAO this shit is hilarious *six pack forms from laughing*

  12. Rey aka Grand Daddy Emo Says:

    That was funny.. Good shit, Phuqueueueue

  13. The-XFacta Says:

    Yo this shit was crazy

  14. Jamz (No Preserves) Says:

    This is the truest shyt I ever read Phuqwey! If I gave a phuque about 50’s tracks or his performance, I may have been upset about this unprofessional display, but since I don’t…it was pretty funny!

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